my soul is dying
literally
from the inside out
because i eased
into a life of dysfunction
mother’s crack breath
so warm against my face
daddy’s gun
so cold
i could feel it on my legs
when he held me
temporarily
dust blown up
they are both gone
no more drug residue for me to find
no more bullets for me to play with
shipped off
whoo wee i’m going on a trip
new owners are waiting
one by one they come
gaze
gawk
look
tickle
oohhh
awww
she’s so cute
so shy
so smart
so pretty
we want her
no we want her
lies are told to get me
tempers flare
promises made
kept
broken
finally
sold
to the auto worker
and nurse with the new house
near the elementary school
happy day
excited
soul diving
doing back flips
new territory to explore
all is well
until hell’s flames flickered
the crack breath was back
but this time it smelled like gin
the gun was replaced with silence
shoes, belts, remote controls
became weapons against me
my poetry ripped up and ignored
my image became distorted
daughter?
whose?
mixed messages
of love and hate
bruises became bandages
to cover deeper hurt
soul dying
drowning
sinking
submerged
bright light
burning hot
a hole
into my soul
you are forever mine
no matter who
chooses to
abuse you
tell you lies
play with your emotions
build false hope
treat you as a snack
before the real meal
discard you
ignore you
beat you
cheat you
deceive you
you are mine
i made you
chose you
dipped you
in waters of infinity
you are mine
step up
look up
feel the weight of my strength
beneath you
now bounce
use all the power
in your body
hold steady now
raise up
head high
get ready for
a perfect dive
clean
clear
pristine
i hit the water
all sound removed
as i navigate
and try to find my way
afloat
i stay down for a long time
blinking
but seeing no signs of life
only me
surrounded by blue
the voice within
says let’s stay here
it’s so quiet
safe
all the water you can drink
we can rest
don’t you want to rest
the voice says so seductively
no
not yet
my soul
is yearning
to dive again
so
i
pump my legs
and swim back up to the top
clouds have formed
it begins to rain
the drops splash down hard on me
cleansing me
preparing me
for what
i do not know
but i welcome the water
embrace the energy
and capture the current
as i pardon the past
and fondle the future
because i’m playful like that
i dance
i cry
my soul may dip
but it will never die
it jumps
soars
lives
dives
© 2012 – 2014, TamekaMullins. All rights reserved.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Tameka, this was so amazing! You’re a fabulous writer, penning the things that are written on your soul, taking me with you diving, I see the gun, smell the gin, feel the pain, and then I swim upwards, with you holding onto my hand, as you show me the light.
Never stop writing honey. You have so many stories to tell.
Hugs,
Leah
I could just imagine that child suffering abuse and yet her spirit not broken. This really touched deep Tameka.
http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.com/2012/01/canvas.html
Leah, I am so touched by your comment. It took me a minute to write this because it’s from a deep, deep place. I’m glad I allowed myself the time to get it out and I appreciate that you took the time to read it. I will hold your words dear. Thank you!
Thanks Rimly! I am always comforted and inspired when I read your work and love and value your comments about mine. Have a blessed day!
Hello Tameka.
WoW! What a journey from the depths of despair & neglect to one of hope…like the phoenix rising. This was intense, soulful & very heartfelt. You showed your courage & strength with this stanza “but i welcome the water
embrace the energy
and capture the current
as i pardon the past
and fondle the future
because i’m playful like that”.
Simply awesome! I commend you for having the courage to bare your soul and for NEVER giving up. May your future always be bright, my dear.
Thank you for sharing.
http://mypoetcharm.blogspot.com/2012/01/harp-of-my-soul.html
Your writing absolutely, positively blew me away . . . such compact words, perfectly penned, that paint the picture. Yes, your pen is on fire! 🙂
Blessings!
Thanks so much Andy! I’m humbled by your words! Speechless now! 🙂
Hi Martha! Welcome to Lyric Fire! I appreciate your visit. Thanks so much for your kind comments!
This is a great poem Tameka. You have a beautiful soul and a powerful mind that translates very well. Thanks for sharing.
You’re welcome Ron! Thanks so much for your comments!
So intense! Really fiery!
-ELLE
Thanks Autumn. Happy Friday!
Ooo it’s like reading a modern Psalm and praying with it. It is, as they all said, intense ~ with all the emotions involved in it and still you emerged a winner in every way. No soul could ever be defeated,I truly agree.
It is you. It is God in you. You are very precious Tameka bella.
Wow, Melissa! That was deep. Thanks so much for seeing it that way. Hugs! I always appreciate your feedback… 🙂
Hi, Tameka! ~
Amazing! The beauty of this hurt me and it also healed me — WoW! You have an extraordinary talent!
Thank you for sharing yourself this way! XO
Linda! Coming from you that is a major compliment! Thanks so much dear lady!
Wow………that was amazing. This is truly deep. You are a diversified writer and your gifts and talents will make room for you.
Whooaa. . .so intense. I felt the experiences as if I were that little girl.
“mother’s crack breath
so warm against my face
daddy’s gun
so cold”
Powerful. Loved the ending with water. . .my comfort. xo
Hi Dionne! Thanks for those thoughts. They mean a lot to me!
Pamela! Thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Tameka – this was powerful, intense…so full of pain and yet so full of hope too. You are an amazing artist!
Thanks so much Corrine! Turning the pain into poetry helps me heal!
An awesome poem, I can identify with this so much, wonderfully written and expressed. Despair and hope all in one, so much how life can be. Thank you for this.
Thanks Jan! I appreciate this! 🙂
Sad, but uplifting, enjoyed this – the pet rescue analogy stuck in my head.
Hello Jim. Welcome to Lyric Fire… Hmmm, pet rescue analogy. Not sure what to make of this comparison. 🙂
I read this from my safe path, journeying through your mind and your experiences. Chills chased along my arms many times, and tears crept forth more than once. There is such power in your words and in the journey experienced. Strength, yes. Grace, to walk forth and remain beautiful despite those negative experiences. I see even more reason for that beauty that greets my eyes each time I visit.
Much love to you, sweetheart.
– Dawn
Dawn, thank you so much. I’m glad that you were affected emotionally by this. That is the best compliment a writer can ever receive. Thanks for the sisterly love and I return it most sincerely! 🙂
My friend Dawn advised through a post for me to come, visit your blog… I’m so glad I have. I sit here with tears pushing down my cheeks as I wonder at the strength of your words through our similar experiences. I feel a deep connection with your heart… My sincere message for you, is that I’m happy you choose to resurface, I did too and I wouldn’t have missed this ride for the world…
Kindest Regards
Jane <3
Jane, I’m thrilled that you stopped by! I look forward to reading your work as well. I’m glad that this poem touched you and that you feel a kinship. This is why I love writing. The connections we can make through words are priceless. Blessings to you.