Lyric Fire: Soul Diving: Partial Poem/Part Confession

my soul is dying

literally

from the inside out

because i eased

into a life of dysfunction

 

mother’s crack breath

so warm against my face

daddy’s gun

so cold

i could feel it on my legs

when he held me

 

temporarily

 

dust blown up

they are both gone

no more drug residue for me to find

no more bullets for me to play with

 

shipped off

whoo wee i’m going on a trip

new owners are waiting

one by one they come

gaze

gawk

look

tickle

oohhh

awww

she’s so cute

so shy

so smart

so pretty

 

we want her

no we want her

lies are told to get me

tempers flare

promises made

kept

broken

 

finally

 

sold

to the auto worker

and nurse with the new house

near the elementary school

 

happy day

excited

soul diving

doing back flips

 

new territory to explore

all is well

until hell’s flames flickered

the crack breath was back

but this time it smelled like gin

the gun was replaced with silence

 

shoes, belts, remote controls

became weapons against me

my poetry ripped up and ignored

my image became distorted

daughter?

whose?

mixed messages

of love and hate

bruises became bandages

to cover deeper hurt

 

soul dying

drowning

sinking

submerged

 

bright light

burning hot

a hole

into my soul

 

you are forever mine

no matter who

chooses to

abuse you

tell you lies

play with your emotions

build false hope

treat you as a snack

before the real meal

discard you

ignore you

beat you

cheat you

deceive you

 

you are mine

i made you

chose you

dipped you

in waters of infinity

you are mine

step up

look up

feel the weight of my strength

beneath you

now bounce

use all the power

in your body

hold steady now

raise up

head high

get ready for

a perfect dive

 

clean

clear

pristine

i hit the water

all sound removed

as i navigate

and try to find my way

afloat

i stay down for a long time

blinking

but seeing no signs of life

only me

surrounded by blue

the voice within

says let’s stay here

it’s so quiet

 

safe

all the water you can drink

we can rest

don’t you want to rest

the voice says so seductively

 

no

not yet

my soul

is yearning

to dive again

 

so

i

pump my legs

and swim back up to the top

clouds have formed

it begins to rain

the drops splash down hard on me

 

cleansing me

preparing me

for what

i do not know

 

but i welcome the water

embrace the energy

and capture the current

as i pardon the past

and fondle the future

because i’m playful like that

 

i dance

i cry

my soul may dip

but it will never die

it jumps

soars

lives

dives

© 2012 – 2014, TamekaMullins. All rights reserved.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Jan 12, 2012 | Posted by in Blog, Tamstarz Poetry | 30 comments

Comments (30 Responses)

  1. Leah says:

    Tameka, this was so amazing! You’re a fabulous writer, penning the things that are written on your soul, taking me with you diving, I see the gun, smell the gin, feel the pain, and then I swim upwards, with you holding onto my hand, as you show me the light.
    Never stop writing honey. You have so many stories to tell.
    Hugs,
    Leah

  2. rimly says:

    I could just imagine that child suffering abuse and yet her spirit not broken. This really touched deep Tameka.
    http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.com/2012/01/canvas.html

  3. Leah, I am so touched by your comment. It took me a minute to write this because it’s from a deep, deep place. I’m glad I allowed myself the time to get it out and I appreciate that you took the time to read it. I will hold your words dear. Thank you!

  4. Thanks Rimly! I am always comforted and inspired when I read your work and love and value your comments about mine. Have a blessed day!

  5. Andy says:

    Hello Tameka.
    WoW! What a journey from the depths of despair & neglect to one of hope…like the phoenix rising. This was intense, soulful & very heartfelt. You showed your courage & strength with this stanza “but i welcome the water
    embrace the energy
    and capture the current
    as i pardon the past
    and fondle the future
    because i’m playful like that”.
    Simply awesome! I commend you for having the courage to bare your soul and for NEVER giving up. May your future always be bright, my dear.
    Thank you for sharing.
    http://mypoetcharm.blogspot.com/2012/01/harp-of-my-soul.html

  6. Your writing absolutely, positively blew me away . . . such compact words, perfectly penned, that paint the picture. Yes, your pen is on fire! 🙂
    Blessings!

  7. Thanks so much Andy! I’m humbled by your words! Speechless now! 🙂

  8. Hi Martha! Welcome to Lyric Fire! I appreciate your visit. Thanks so much for your kind comments!

  9. Ron says:

    This is a great poem Tameka. You have a beautiful soul and a powerful mind that translates very well. Thanks for sharing.

  10. You’re welcome Ron! Thanks so much for your comments!

  11. Autumn Eliza says:

    So intense! Really fiery!
    -ELLE

  12. melissa says:

    Ooo it’s like reading a modern Psalm and praying with it. It is, as they all said, intense ~ with all the emotions involved in it and still you emerged a winner in every way. No soul could ever be defeated,I truly agree.
    It is you. It is God in you. You are very precious Tameka bella.

  13. Wow, Melissa! That was deep. Thanks so much for seeing it that way. Hugs! I always appreciate your feedback… 🙂

  14. Hi, Tameka! ~
    Amazing! The beauty of this hurt me and it also healed me — WoW! You have an extraordinary talent!
    Thank you for sharing yourself this way! XO

  15. Linda! Coming from you that is a major compliment! Thanks so much dear lady!

  16. Dionne Diggs says:

    Wow………that was amazing. This is truly deep. You are a diversified writer and your gifts and talents will make room for you.

  17. Pamela says:

    Whooaa. . .so intense. I felt the experiences as if I were that little girl.
    “mother’s crack breath
    so warm against my face
    daddy’s gun
    so cold”
    Powerful. Loved the ending with water. . .my comfort. xo

  18. Hi Dionne! Thanks for those thoughts. They mean a lot to me!

  19. Pamela! Thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  20. Tameka – this was powerful, intense…so full of pain and yet so full of hope too. You are an amazing artist!

  21. Thanks so much Corrine! Turning the pain into poetry helps me heal!

  22. jan says:

    An awesome poem, I can identify with this so much, wonderfully written and expressed. Despair and hope all in one, so much how life can be. Thank you for this.

  23. Thanks Jan! I appreciate this! 🙂

  24. Jim says:

    Sad, but uplifting, enjoyed this – the pet rescue analogy stuck in my head.

  25. Hello Jim. Welcome to Lyric Fire… Hmmm, pet rescue analogy. Not sure what to make of this comparison. 🙂

  26. Dawn says:

    I read this from my safe path, journeying through your mind and your experiences. Chills chased along my arms many times, and tears crept forth more than once. There is such power in your words and in the journey experienced. Strength, yes. Grace, to walk forth and remain beautiful despite those negative experiences. I see even more reason for that beauty that greets my eyes each time I visit.
    Much love to you, sweetheart.
    – Dawn

  27. Dawn, thank you so much. I’m glad that you were affected emotionally by this. That is the best compliment a writer can ever receive. Thanks for the sisterly love and I return it most sincerely! 🙂

  28. Jane says:

    My friend Dawn advised through a post for me to come, visit your blog… I’m so glad I have. I sit here with tears pushing down my cheeks as I wonder at the strength of your words through our similar experiences. I feel a deep connection with your heart… My sincere message for you, is that I’m happy you choose to resurface, I did too and I wouldn’t have missed this ride for the world…
    Kindest Regards
    Jane <3

  29. Jane, I’m thrilled that you stopped by! I look forward to reading your work as well. I’m glad that this poem touched you and that you feel a kinship. This is why I love writing. The connections we can make through words are priceless. Blessings to you.

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