Lyric Fire: Look At My Fabulous Life! (Episode 3 – Home Alone With Vanessa Stone)

Episode 3 of Look At My Fabulous Life! tightens its lense close on Vanessa Stone, a R&B power house who hasn’t had a hit since her last trip to the dope man. She’s been trying to beat off that beast, but watching singers rock the stage she used to reign is taking it’s toll. Next week we chill with a pair of radio shock jocks as they party the night away and do research for their morning show!

[iJournal Entry] – West Hollywood

It’s Sunday night and I haven’t done shit all day. I was supossed to have a breakfast meeting with Demarrco, some new cat who’s been blowing up, but I had to cancel. Couldn’t let that young’un see me like this. I haven’t had my weave tightened up in weeks and aint been shopping in a clip.

I really need to get it together. But I have been so beat lately. Voice aint changed, but the game shole aint the same. I used to be able to sell my shit like lemonade in a heat wave. Now, it’s all about the Beyonce’s and Rhianna’s. Hell, Beyonce might be on her way out anyway. Can’t nobody stand her. Quiet as kept I’ve always loved her voice, but damn, can I get some love too? I practically paved the way for that chile.

Anybody looking at my life would be wondering why I’m complaining, I mean I got the house, the cars and two beautiful kids. My man is gone, but what else is new? Ha! These brothers never could hang with me. Shit, with nothing hot on the radio and in the clubs, what do I really have? Nobody is inviting me to no parties and I’m really not as flush as I used to be. A girl has her habits and needs you know. These kids aint cheap either. Every new thing’ama’jig that comes out they want it. I got managers, publicists, agents, hairdressers, cooks, housekeepers and designers to pay too. Riches have to be divided. All this money is going out and no hits are coming in. So do you see why I had to cancel on ole boy? I need to be looking hot to death when I see him and my voice has got to be on point!

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I have been dying to get nice for a while, but I had to leave that stuff alone. It got me through some rough days, but it almost took me out of here. But I can’t lie I miss it so much! I almost had a toke when I found out that Amy Winehouse died. That hurt me to my heart. That girl could sing her lips off! Then I thought, fuck that could have been me. Nobody see’s when you are alone and your records aint selling or when your family sells you out or when your man is cheating on you or when everywhere you turn people are talking shit about you or critiquing your hair, your body, your face and the choices you make. Yeah, we wanted this life, but no, not really. Most of us just wanted to sing and make a good living.

Fame was not something that I just needed to have. I mean, we need to be seen in order to sing right? If no one could see us and the lives we live we couldn’t sell anything. We wind up selling more than our voices and artistry. Our souls become a commodity. I almost lost mine. Sometimes I think I still have. At times I feel dead inside. To have this much passion and soul inside and no way to get it out is slowly killing me.

So I’m sitting here in this big ass house in front of my ginormous TV watching the VMA’s and remembering when I was on that stage. No one can work a stage like me. The moves, yeah I got ’em. The voice? Butter, silk and satin smooth with crazy range. Gaga is crazy as hell. She’s not my flavor, but she is a helluva entertainer. I guess that’s what they want now’adays. I can give ’em theater if that’s what they want. What do they want? What do I want? Do I still want this? Yes! God yes! Can I do it? Can I give them what they want and still keep me?

I don’t know.

Will I try? I have to. I need to. It’s all I know how to do. I sing, I be, I am. It’s me. All I know how to be. Without song and the cheers that come along I am…

I am…

I am… Amy…

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© 2011 – 2014, TamekaMullins. All rights reserved.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Comments (24 Responses)

  1. Jim says:

    You know I truly love your poetry but I have to say that I am really into this story!!! Your prose is just as good and you seem to inhabit the characters especially Vanessa!! You seem to know the pain of being an artist and can dish it out to your reader!!!
    http://jpweddingphotograpy.blogspot.com/2011/08/photographing-flower-power-for.html

  2. Jim says:

    By the way I’m liking the new profile image!!!!

  3. Jim, this coming from you warms my heart! I am thrilled that you are enjoying the series! I am getting to know these characters right along with all of you and they are definitely intriguing me.
    Have a wonderful week dear!

  4. Aww, thank you! That pic was snapped when I was in Jamaica. 🙂

  5. Eigroj Stain says:

    nice blog…. thanks for sharing…

  6. Thanks for stopping by Eigroj!

  7. KalpanaS says:

    Vanessa sure sounds like one sassy-lassie – she don’t need no rehab, no-no-no!

  8. Ha! Yes she is Kalpana! I sure hope she doesn’t need any rehab. One can never tell though. Stay tuned!
    🙂

  9. jan says:

    Enjoyed this tons. The story is great.

  10. Thanks for “tuning” in Jan! Have a great week! 🙂

  11. Jim says:

    That profile picture warmed my umm heart lol

  12. Anna says:

    Rather than drown in your fame, perhaps you should take a careful look at just exactly what is important in your life. I’m not being critical; I can only hope to have even a teardrop of your fame. Thanks for stopping by my blog, and welcome to the pantser society. haha

  13. Lol! Anna, as Vanessa’s publicist, manager, designer and creator I totally agree with your assessment and promise to advise her accordingly! You’re quite welcome! 🙂

  14. your write up was wonderful, as if you did enter Amy’s soul. i enjoyed reading it thoroughly. best wishes always.

  15. Thanks Sancheeta! I truly appreciate hearing that!

  16. rimly says:

    I could sense the loneliness of this woman…the price you pay for fame. It is like selling your soul to the devil and everything spirals out of your control then. I truly admire your creative skills Tameka.

  17. Hi Rimly! Yes, Vanessa is living in a lonely world right now. So true about fame. It’s best to build a strong reality for yourself when embarking on any venture that could thrust you into the light of the world. It can be a rough place to be if you aren’t centered. Thanks for reading! Have a blessed day!

  18. Abhisek says:

    It’s the price one pays for fame….a lonely personal life.Sad but true.A nice write-up. 🙂
    http://filmedit.blogspot.com/

  19. Hi Abhisek! So true in some cases. Thanks for stopping by!

  20. melissa says:

    Oh, So is this the fab life? I wouldn’t want to be in it… there’s always this ‘fear’ of not being famous anymore…hmmm…
    I’m looking forward to the next episode :)…

  21. I see that you get it Melissa. Thanks for tuning in. Also, check out the completed song you liked from the last episode One Kiss, One Hug… I’m doing a contest. It’s the Bonus Material post. Cheers!

  22. Andy says:

    Hello.
    I have to agree with Jim of http://jpweddingphotography.blogspot.com.
    You do bring your characters alive. Makes the story that much more believable.
    Awesome writing & scene setting!

  23. Andy, the breath of life is something a writer always seeks to give their characters and I’m happy you think I’m doing that! Will continue working to make them even more alive!

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